Story 1: Phoenix
Meet Phillipe. My phoenix. He took my tattoo artist 50+ hours and 4 months of session to complete. With that much time and pain invested, he deserved a name. He’s also a symbol of what I’d like to be known for when I die: healing transformation.
In 2010, my nutritionist told me I had an eating disorder. That conversation was a major turning point of my life, the catalyst to a journey out of trauma and abuse of which I was unaware. Fifteen years later, I’ve healed from a major anxiety disorder, healed from massive rejection issues, my eating disorder, and have confronted my childhood CPTSD with great determination.
To sum up: I’ve transformed. I’ve risen from the ashes that was the foundation of my life. And I’ve found a colorful reality as a confident woman.
In orange, I had my tattoo artist put “Let Hope Arise.” Out of the ashes of our ruin, I believe there’s always hope of Good coming our way, not just more ashes.
Phillipe isn’t just a tattoo. He’s an indelible mark of a remarkable transformation.
Tattoo Art by: Shama Dasi (IG: shama_dasi)
Story 2: Dragon
When cartographers made maps back in the day, they’d draw a dragon on the map to indicated “uncharted” territory, places no man (or woman) had been before. They’d then put a sign there that said “here are dragons.”
That cartography practice left an impression on me. It spoke of possibilities, of hope for future definition.
The main thing I’ve accomplished in my 44 years of life is healing. I’ve done the work to see life-changing healing happen where there was once only trauma and abuse. My longing is to be a pioneer of healing, to chart the uncharted for those coming after me; to give able navigation for those who also want to find health and wholeness after a lifetime of trauma and abuse, like me.
I believe total healing from trauma is possible, it’s just uncharted.
Story 3: Koret Othka Lo Od Yatom
Many years ago I had an encounter with God that changed my whole life. In it, he spoke of cultural transformation of a generation of peoples who have no idea who they are, who walk in confusion and doubt, and especially, who only see God as a god of religion – one who is controlling, punishing and always mad at us.
But he spoke to me of a new era, one where people stand confident in who they are, ones who unravel their religiously-led belief systems of him and began seeing him as kind, as an advocate for freewill…
And as a Father. Not a mean one, as religion tells us he is. But a good Father. Who knows how to speak identity over us and transform our own perceptions of who we are. Who rejoices in giving us choices, not rules and laws.
In that encounter with him all those years ago, I heard him speak a blessing over the earth, one that I translated into Hebrew and transliterated into the Latin alphabet:
“I call you fatherless no longer.”
Story 4: Bird
In 2010, I began a journey of healing transformation, to uncover faulty belief systems I had been in agreement with my whole life and leave trauma and abuse behind. The process has been messy and painful and extremely overwhelming, but at the beginning of that process, I felt like God gave me a promise: In the Hebrew language, it says, “Behold, I am making all things new,” a quote from the Bible.
It gave me hope that all the pain and the fear and the trauma I confronted would not be for nought. It gave me vision for something better, something different than the emotional turmoil that marked my life since childhood.
Fifteen years later, I can say with confidence that transformation is possible. I’ve gone from a scared adult shying away from close relationships to someone who thrives in healthy relationships.
Being made “new” is possible, indeed.
