May 1, 2015 is the date of my older brother Brett’s passing. I always looked up to him, literally, because he was over a foot taller than me, and figuratively, because he was always so funny, kind, and intelligent. I’ll never forget his silliness, like when he would walk around with his socks dangling half off his feet, and I’ll never forget his warm presence, like when he would make all my troubles go away just by sitting next to me.

When he passed away, a few of our family members got tattoos in honor of him. I chose Taz dressed as a monk because it combined his favorite cartoon character and one of his last endeavors of becoming a Buddhist monk, searching for inner peace.

I remember a balloon artist came to the local pool once and asked me which animal I wanted him to make. Of course, to be as cool as my brother, I asked for a Tasmanian devil. I’ll never forget the confusion on his face as he paused, looked at my eager 9 year old face, and suggested, “how about a giraffe instead?” I’ll also never forget my immeasurable disappointment.

When he passed away, mental health came to the forefront of what mattered to me. May is Mental Health Awareness Month and I realized how I had never considered the importance of something I couldn’t immediately see. I studied psychology, self-care, and religions to understand more, but I always felt like there was something profoundly missing.

Brett inspired me with his way of being himself completely. He showed so much love to everyone around him and in one of the many days that I cried over missing him, my friend told me “God couldn’t wait”. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear it and how there was more truth to that than what I could understand then.

Years of trial and error later, I realized it was a deep, intimate, and personal relationship with God that I had been searching to find. I finally understood He wasn’t a platitude or made up, He was there the entire time, just waiting for me.

I started to speak with Him like He could hear me, getting many answers to the questions I had my whole life. I eventually asked Him if my brother was okay, and He directed me to the verse John 11:23: “Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”

September 25, 1986 is Brett’s birthday, and September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so if you or anyone you know is struggling, there are resources and help available. There is undeniable pain and suffering in the world, but we are loved beyond measure.

“Your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.” Trust and hope in the Lord Jesus Christ and He will save you and give you everything you need. You are never alone and if you search for the truth with your whole heart, you will find it. God keeps every promise He makes ❤️

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 988
Billy Graham Prayer Line: 855-255-7729

Tattoo Art by ______